The life of an almost 40 year old woman who still lives with her mother (yes you read it right…)
Day 0:
So, this
is what is not going to happen. I am not going to tell you all about how my
life suddenly ended up here, because it really was suddenly. I honestly do not
know what the hell happened.
But my
truth is that I do not live with my mother out of choice, or because I want to
take care of her, although at her age, I should be the one taking care of her,
and not the other way around… My truth is that I live with her because I don’t have
the money to pay for an apartment on my own.
Here’s
the gist: I’m a singer, or at least I try to be. It seems to be the only thing
I can make money with, but unfortunately I am on my own. Nobody wants to pay
for a band anymore (cheap shits)… So I have to go around to bars and venues
with my computer and do something that in my opinion is more of a karaoke
show (in which I am the only one singing the karaoke songs) than a live
performance.
I have
tried looking for work somewhere else, because what I really want to do is get
out of this house, rent an appartment like a NORMAL person and keep singing in
bands, even if nobody hires us, or if we don’t get payed for playing.
I know, it sounds like a sad trade off, but believe me, it’s not. Doing those
karaoke shows have stripped me of by musical soul and have made me feel like a
piece of shit.
But
sadly, nobody wants to hire a has been almost 40 year old woman, when a 20 year old can do the job just as good, or let’s be honest, probably better.
Now
before any of you start giving me the number to the suicide hotline, relax, I’ve
not given up (yet).
I’ll
paint you a picture:
I have often
thought what I would tell myself if I was not me. Does that make sense? And I
have come to the conclusion that I would kick my own ass. I would be so pissed
off at me that I would probably stop hanging out with me all together, because
nobody should be this fucking clueless about life. NOBODY!
Soooo,
that is my plan. Yup… I know it probably sounds crazy, but for the next 21
days, I am no longer me. For the next 21 days I am my own best friend. My own,
veeeeery pissed off, best friend, breaking my balls about all the things I
should be doing and am not.
And
since one of the things I said I would do (like forever) is to write and have
people actually read what I write, I am going to document this 21 day journey
in this blog.
DAY
1:
So
far day 1 is not going as planned. Yes I got up to go to the doctor who
determined there is absolutely nothing wrong with me except for a small
deficiency in Vitamin D and B12. Now, B12 I can understand since I haven't
eaten meat in years, but D?? I live in Spain!! I see more sun in one week than
the regular north European sees in a year, and I am vitamin D deficient??
He said it could be a genetic thing.
Probably my vampire genes reflecting the sunlight like the moon instead of
absorbing it...
Anyway, so my plan for today was to step
up and down on a portable step for about an hour or until I dropped to the
floor in total exhaustion, but that obviously didn't happen, because I'm here
"talking" to you.
Here's the deal, I really do not feel
well. I have had a cold that just won't frikkin' go lately, and to top that I'm
on my period. Don't call me weak, my periods suck the life literally out of me.
I feel like and could sleep for 24 hours and still be tired.
So my best friend is being nice to me
today and has told me to take care of my cold and sleep because tonight I have
another of my marvellous Karaoke gigs and they will probably make me do it
outside.
You see, summer does not seem to
want to go this year. It's beautifully sunny during the day and miserably
chilly at night. Guess when I work. At night. Guess where all the people are.
On the terrace. They don't care, they're already drunk by the time I get there
and can't feel anything, but I have to stand in the cold and sing to them
freezing my ass off. And so my cold never leaves. Never...
It's not even 1 p.m. yet, so I'll update
you tonight on how the rest of this marvellous day has gone.
